tekA-tekUk...

1. Pasukan bola manakah yang sukakan pedas?
2. Stadium manakah yang terkecil?
3. Mengapakah pengadil memberikan kad merah kepada pemain yang melakukan kesalahan yang berat?
4. Siapakah yang selalu mengejar bola, tetapi tidak pernah dapat?
5. Siapakah penyerang terbaik di dunia?

  

JAWAPAN

1. Brazil. Samba a.k.a Sambal... Hahaha...
2. Stadium mini la...
3. Kalau bagi kad kredit itu bukan main bola namanya.
4. Pengadil perlawanan.
5. Semua penyerang jahat. Contohnya penyerang berani mati dan sama waktu dengannya. Melainkan dia mempunyai niat yang baik... 

                                                                                                                 

1. Hitam dan berpeluh.. HA.. Ape2??
2. Ape benda bila masuk segitiga bila kuar bergulung-gulung?
3. Antara kapal terbang dengan kuih lepat liat, mana satu yang paling tinggi?
4. Banyak2 kotak, kotak apa yang takleh angkat?
5. Kenapa Penggali Kubur Gali Kubur Tak Pakai Selipar???
6. Bulu bertemu bulu… kulit bertemu kulit… makin tambah rapat makin nikmat rasanyer!
7. 3 kepala, 6 mata, 8 kaki. Apakah bendanya tu?
8. Masa dia hidup kita menyanyi, masa dia mati kita tepuk tangan.
9. Scorpion kaler apa?
10. Dalam banyak2 kera, kera ape yang pandai menaip???

Jawapan:

1. Semut hitam tengah berjogging.. huhuhu
2. Seluar dalam ler.. haha…
3. Kuih lepat liat la… sebab kapal terbang sampai langit je, tapi kuih lepat sampai lelangit!
4. Kotak penalti lah.. wawawa!
5. Selipar mana boleh buat gali tanah, guna cangkul lar… hue hue hue!!
6. Haah.. mulalah otak kuning, MATA lah jawapan nyer..!
7. Koboi naik kuda bawak ayam.
8. lilin masa sambut ‘EPI BESDAY’
9. Kala jengking lah.. senang pun takleh nak jawab!
10. Kerani

                                                                                                          

1. Lubang ape yang rasanye hangat, nikmat dan nyaman ?

2. Pintu ape yang walaupun dengan 10 org pun tak leh nak tolak ?
3. Saya ade 3 kepala, 4 tangan dan 5 kaki. Siapakah saya ?
4. Apa dia 'Jauh di mata, dekat di hati' ?
5. Kenape lelaki jarang kene penyakit anjing gila ?
6. Ape persamaan Michael Jordan ngan Michael Jackson ?
7. Nak mencari sikit punye susah, bile dah dapat buang, ape bendanya ?
8. Ape persamaan kain jemuran ngan telefon ?
9. Knape pokok kelapa kat depan rumah harus ditebang ?
10. Jilat-jilat bila dah basah baru cucuk
11. Banyak-banyak bas, bas apa yang pandai ?
12. Apa perbezaan lampu stadium ngan lampu bilik ?
13. Ahmad bin Abu, kambing bin apa ?
14. Ape benda bila masuk segitiga bila kuar bergulung-gulung ?
15. Antara kapal terbang dengan kuih lepat liat, mana satu yang paling tinggi ?

Jawapan

1. LUBANGun pagi2, tarik selimut pas tu tido balik
2. Pintu yang ade tulis 'TARIK'
3. Pembohong
4. Usus
5. Sebab lelaki ni kan 'buaya'
6. Dua-dua tak kenal korang :D
7. Tahi hidung
8. Dua-dua kalau dah 'kringgg' bole diangkat
9. Mestilah kene tebang, sape nak cabut pokok kelapa. Gile ape...
10. Masukkan benang dalam jarum
11. Bas sekolah. The only bas pegi sekolah
12. Lampu stadium kalau ada 'game' dia pasang, tapi kalau lampu bilik ada 'game' dia padam
13. Kambing BINatang
14. Seluar dalam ler... hahaha
15. Kuih lepat liat sebab kapal terbang sampai langit je, tapi kuih lepat sampai lelangit

GOod JOb FERgie!!

Mathematically speaking, Manchester United has not yet won the English Premier League, but you wouldn’t know it from the celebrations at Old Trafford on Sunday.

After watching his team beat closest rival Chelsea to leave itself needing a single point from its final two matches to clinch the trophy, coach Sir Alex Ferguson embarked upon a triumphant march around his castle.

United’s Old Trafford stadium is the house that Fergie built, with this latest title – which will almost surely be rubber-stamped at Blackburn next week – the club’s 12th in 19 years and 19th overall. This time he soaked it in like never before, strutting along the sidelines before taking a joyous and theatrical bow in front of his worshipping followers.

Sir Alex Ferguson celebrated Manchester United's win over rival Chelsea with family and fans at Old Trafford.

Time and again the irascible 69-year-old has stared down the doubters and managed to conjure a result when one was most needed. Sunday was no different, as Chelsea came to town having chiseled away at a 15-point gap and given itself a shot at snatching the title.

Goals from Javier Hernandez and Nemanja Vidic secured this win despite a small, late Chelsea flurry which included a consolation goal from Frank Lampard, and yet another piece of silverware could be polished and prepared for entry into a fully stacked trophy cabinet.

For Ferguson, the time for restraint had long since passed. Of all his titles, this is one of his most satisfying, coming amid financial constraints and with an aging squad that many thought past its prime. After selling his then-best player Cristiano Ronaldo two years ago, he had to witness his new star, Wayne Rooney, perform miserably for most of the campaign.

Yet United still had too much guile for a financially laden but mentally insecure Chelsea team and a young Arsenal side that had hunger and skill but lacked resolve when it counted.

It was resolve that saw United through the past eight months, even when the soccer was not always pretty or convincing. This though, was coronation day, an afternoon when everything went right and Ferguson’s side sparkled just like a champion-elect should.

The manner of the first goal, and the personnel involved, was fitting. Park Ji-Sung is a player who has not always looked comfortable in a United shirt, but Ferguson stuck with him nevertheless, sensing a vitality and big-game persona from the quiet South Korean. Such faith was richly rewarded in the very first exchanges, as Park delivered a perfect pass for Hernandez, the bargain signing of the season, to guide into the net.

The game was 36 seconds old, and the tone was firmly set.

The second goal, courtesy of Vidic, was no surprise, and by the end the only shock was that the margin of victory stood at one. United sent repeated attacking bursts into Chelsea territory and there was little in the way of replay, with the London club looking like a punch-drunk old pug rather than a team playing for it all.

Ferguson knew this one was in the books early, and at the end he was off, striding down toward his family and then the fans who pray he will carry on forever.

The question of Ferguson’s future is one which only the man himself can answer, and he isn’t taking about it. However, United is on the brink of a spectacular Double, with the Champions League final against Barcelona coming up later this month.

Such a feat would be a sensational way to bow out. Ferguson would have nothing left to prove, but then again he hasn’t for years now and kept on going anyway.

He does this because he loves it, thrives on the challenge of adapting to the modern way. He does it better than anyone, so much so that United is arguably the most contemporary of teams despite being under the stewardship of a man pushing 70.

United’s success boils down to a winning mentality and a commitment to excellence. Those are principles that Ferguson, even in the dark days, never abandoned. His walk in the sun was richly deserve

congrat for MU

Manchester United have one hand firmly on the Premier League title after they beat their closest rivals Chelsea 2-1 at Old Trafford.

Javier Hernandez gave Alex Ferguson's side the lead after just 36 seconds - the fastest goal of the season - when he pounced on David Luiz's error to meet Park Ji-sung's through ball and finish clinically past Petr Cech for his 13th league goal of the campaign.United put in a performance worthy of them winning a record 19th league crown as they made the defending champions look ordinary in their much-hyped title showdown to move six points clear at the top of the table with just two matches remaining.

Ryan Giggs had a hand in that opener, and the 37-year-old created the second for Nemanja Vidic midway through the first half when his cross was met by the Red Devils captain's stooping header from close range.

Frank Lampard pulled one back for with 20 minutes remaining, but the Blues were not able to score the three goals needed to claim a comeback win which would have drawn them level on points with United.

Chelsea's record signing Fernando Torres was, as expected, consigned to the bench as Didier Drogba started up front, but the Ivorian was reduced to two efforts from free-kicks, one of which was beaten away by Edwin van der Sarand the other was fired wide.

United, by contrast, looked lethal every time they came forward, with Wayne Rooney having one well-struck effort from range parried by Cech and seeing another flash wide. Park also tested the Chelsea keeper from range while Hernandez missed to chance to double his tally when he failed to connect with Park's cross to the far post.

Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti made two changes at half-time, bringing on Alex in place of Luiz - something he had threatened to do immediately after the opening goal - as well as introducing Ramires for Jon Obi Mikel, while Ferguson used the break to replace John O'Shea for Jonny Evans.

Despite the Chelsea changes, United continued to control proceedings, and had two strong penalty claims turned down by referee Howard Webb.

First Antonio Valencia's chipped cross was clearly blocked by Lampard's arm, but World Cup final official Webb ruled it was not intentional, and the Rotherham referee ruled the same way when Valencia tripped over John Terry's outstretched leg midway through the second half.

That second claim came soon after Torres replaced Salomon Kalou but, just as in the Champions League quarter-final clash between these two clubs, the Spaniard had little effect on the outcome.

Chelsea managed to claw a goal back when Ramires's cross was headed toward goal by Branislav Ivanovic and Lampard steered it past Van der Sar, but the two-goal deficit would have been restored moments later were it not for Alex's heroic goal-line block from Rooney's effort on the counter-attack.

Rooney had a strike deflected over the bar before Hernandez spurned two good opportunities to seal his first United hat-trick, but by then it was clear which side were the better, both in terms of the 90 minutes contested and the season as a whole.

Chelsea will prepare for matches at home to Newcastle and away to Everton in the vainest of hope that United will slip up, but fixtures for the leaders against Blackburn and Blackpool make it unlikely that the champions-elect will suffer two defeats.

ARSENAL's DREAM end!!!

Arsenal's slim Premier League title hopes were ended by a 3-1 defeat to Stoke City at the Britannia Stadium.

Robin van Persie pulled one back for the Gunners on 81 minutes, only for Jon Walters to restore Stoke's two-goal cushion just moments later.Kenwyne Jones opened the scoring for the Potters on 28 minutes before former Arsenal player Jermaine Pennant doubled the home side's lead four minutes before half-time.

Defeat for the Gunners means that, followingManchester United's 2-1 win over Chelsealater on Sunday, they are now nine points behind the leaders with just two matches of the season remaining. Stoke secured the ideal result to boost confidence ahead of their FA Cup final meeting with Manchester City next Saturday, although they now have concerns over the fitness of defender Robert Huth.

The build-up to the match was filled with animosity as the Gunners returned to the ground where Aaron Ramsey had his leg broken by Stoke defender Ryan Shawcrosslast season, an incident which prompted plenty of criticism from Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger for his opposite numberTony Pulis and his players' perceived 'rugby tactics'.

The Gunners got off to a bright start but, Robin van Persie's early effort scooped over the bar aside, were largely kept at bay.

Stoke have scored the highest proportion of goals from set pieces in the league this season, while Arsenal have conceded the most, so it was perhaps no surprise that the opening goal came via that route.

Andrei Arshavin brought down Pennant near the corner flag as the half-hour mark approached, and the poor defending from the resulting free-kick allowed the unmarked Jones to finish from inside the six-yard box for his fifth goal in his last six games.

Arsenal continued to see a lot more of the ball but without troubling Asmir Begovic's goal, and they found themselves 2-0 down just before the break courtesy of a different kind of poor defending.

Pennant picked the ball up in midfield and ran at the back four. A gap inexplicably appeared in front of him and he took the chance to go for a strike from range which deflected off the outstretched leg of Johan Djourou and looped over goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny.

Stoke were enjoying getting one over on their apparent nemesis, but their minds were drawn towards next week's trip to Wembley when, after sending his header from a corner wide soon after the restart, defender Robert Huth limped off with a knee injury that may yet see him miss that game.

Arsene Wenger had brought on strikers Nicklas Bendtner and Marouane Chamakh at half-time, but both men showed why they not scored a Premier League goal between them in 2011 as they each spurned decent chances soon after coming on.

Arsenal's frustration was epitomised by Jack Wilshere, who earned a booking for a rash tackle on Pennant with 20 minutes remaining. Pennant also saw a yellow card for his part in the pitch that ensued. Andy Wilkinson, who retaliated on Pennant's behalf with a lunge on Wilshere, escaped censure.

Van Persie was by far Arsenal's best performer, abut he should have reduced the deficit when played through one-on-one inside the box, only to have his shot blocked by Begovic.

The Dutch striker finally made the breakthrough with a chance he created himself, forcing his way into the box before drilling a low shot under the keeper for his 20th goal of 2011.

Moments later, however, Stoke were two goals to the good again when another defensive lapse helped Walters on to the scoresheet when Djourou cleared the ball right into the forward's path and he finished past Szczesny.

It summed up Arsenal neatly: Van Persie's ruthlessness in front of goal outweighed by their soft centre, and as such it was a fitting way for their title hopes to be extinguished.